I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
