like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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