i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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