It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
