just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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