every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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