She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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