you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
