I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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