My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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