Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you had me at cake vodka
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
