Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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