Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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