I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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