In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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