You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
