Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
