i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
