My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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