Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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