if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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