I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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