Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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