It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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