As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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