i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
