I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
