There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
BRING THE BAGELS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
