It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
