Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
