life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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