he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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