i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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