Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
