I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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