How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Small penises have feelings too.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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