yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
