Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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