OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
