Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
