Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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