eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
