i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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