C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dicks are not precious.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
