You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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