my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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