I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
