Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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