You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
