But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
