You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He passed out mid-signature
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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