the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it hurts more in the daytime
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
