Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
