i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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