Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
