Me. At least after what I've been through.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
