Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
