in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
