Can i not drive my cunt home
Please, let me fuck your mom
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
