It's Friday. Sex?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
