theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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