well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
