eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
