he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
