Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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