got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
