Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
