so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize