I think my vagina is haunted
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
