My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My hand turned me down
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
