tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
