her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
