i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
