You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
