I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
