i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
